Swimming Lessons

They’ve been at the deserted lake for hours. It’s a muggy day at the edge of summer with a slight chill in the air when the clouds cover the sun. Little Sister is getting bored with making sandcastles with the single plastic bucket and shovel. She likes digging a moat around the castle but hates the way the green slime keeps getting in the way. She’s trying to get the attention of Big Sister, who keeps looking at the empty gravel road. “Watch this!” She spins, does cartwheels, feels sand land in her hair. She jumps and twirls like a ballerina, but Big Sister won’t stop frowning and biting her nails.

Suddenly they see the dust and hear the crunch-crunch-crunch of an approaching car. Little Sister is scared, thinking of the movie she saw with the Big Kids when Babysitter was snoring in her reclining chair. The teenagers were running in the countryside from a madman in a mask. He kept finding them and stabbing them with a big knife. The boy in the car doesn’t have a mask. He’s wearing a jean jacket and has long hair. The music blaring from the car makes her ears hurt.

Big Sister now looks straight out to the lake. Her face is frozen like when Mom tells her she isn’t living up to her potential, that she’ll be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of her life if she keeps this up.

The boy turns off the car and runs his hand through his hair. He gets out of the car and sits down next to Big Sister and kisses her on the cheek.

“You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, Babe. I had stuff to do for my mom.”

“You’re a liar. I know you were with her.”

“Don’t be like this. You know you’re the only one for me. I swear!”

Big Sister gets up and in one fluid motion, takes off her shirt, revealing a hot pink bikini, held together by strings. Little Sister has never seen her Big Sister’s body like this. It is beautiful and terrifying.

Without saying a word, Big Sister dives into the water and begins swimming towards a wooden pier far off in the middle of the lake. Soon, Little Sister can’t see the pink straps, just white arms cutting through the still black water.

The boy watches for a moment and without a word, lights a cigarette and gets into his car. The sound of the wheels spinning on the gravel and the angry music jar the stillness of the lakeside. Little Sister feels like she isn’t in a real place, that it’s a movie and something bad is going to happen.

The dust of the car is gone and she can’t see Big Sister’s arms anymore. She screams her name and begins to shake. She wraps herself in a towel and sits at the edge of the lake. Big Sister has never left her alone, has never ignored her.  They always go on adventures and build couch forts and make plays. And when she is afraid at night, Big Sister always lets her in and they tell secrets until they fall asleep.

The pain in her heart makes her think she is going to die. She is crying so hard she can’t breathe. She buries her head in her hands just like when she watched the movie.

It feels like hours have passed when she hears a splashing sound and Big Sister is crawling towards her, heaving and gasping. Her arms are covered in goosebumps and saliva falls from her mouth in long strings. She clutches Little Sister and her bony arms feel like popsicles and she smells like the slime. She cries when she sees Little Sister’s wet face and red eyes.

“I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have left you. I thought he would follow me. Did he say anything?

“You almost drown-ded! You left me alone. I hate you. I HATE YOU!!!”

Little Sister wants to squeeze herself into a ball or inside one of the many shells that are scattered on the beach and make noise if she holds them to her ear. She wants to be inside the sandcastle protected by the moat. She can’t stop crying.

Big Sister sits and pulls her close to her chest like she has done since she was a baby. They used to sit like that for hours, reading in front of the fireplace. She rocks her and hums and soon she feels calm. Under the towel, their skin begins to warm and there’s a tiny bit of release from the fist clutching her heart.

The car ride is silent save the occasional piece of gravel hitting the car and the steady whoosh of the heater. At dinner Mom knows something is up. But when Big Sister looks at her and crosses her eyes and sticks her finger in her nose, Little Sister forgets the heaviness in her chest and laughs. The laughing is an unexpected treat, like eating Cool-whip from the tub or licking the chocolate off the beaters. She can’t get enough and eventually Mom yells at her to knock it off.

That night Big Sister reads her a book in bed and acts out all the characters with such funny voices, Little Sister can’t get sleepy. But she knows already that she won’t sleep.

“I’m so sorry, Little Sister. I will never do something like that again. I will never leave you. You are my bestest sister. I will never care about a boy more than you.” After a pause, she whispers, “And I will never trust a boy again.”

Later in the dark, the words soothe Little Sister, especially the bestest sister part, but something broke apart from her, like a twig on a tree, and was left on the beach. She hears the words Big Sister said and one phrase bounces around her head. She knows she will have to be careful now. She understands she must never trust again.